Peridots depression
by the man of many skills
Summary: When Peridot starts to act weirdly the gems worry
1. Chapter 1

Peridots depression

 **Hello everyone. This is my first fanfiction so please give as much of advice as possible. This takes place on an au where Peridot and Lapis Lazuil have become real members of the crystal gems and have their own rooms.**

Chapter one

Peridot was unlovable. She knew that. Everyone just tolerate her but no one liked her. And she had come to some way accept that. She knew that they pretended to like her but she knew the truth. They all thought she was garbage and should be shattered or bubbled. She didn't know when she found out it sort of dawned on her that she really was unlovable.

Garnet didn't like her. It is really understandable. The first times they meet (as "friends") Peridot hade asked if she could unfuse because it made her fell scared (of course she couldn't say that). Her! A prisoner of the mighty fusion asked if the fusion could separate with the love of their life. Ya, that went well. Even if she had later wanted to fuse with her Peridot knew that she just did that to make Peridot work better. In realty Garnet probably was disgusted by peridots awful body.

Pearl didn't like her. Peridot can blame herself for that, like everything. She treated Pearl like Peridot was a superior being while Pearl was a tool. A mistake which lead to a completely waste of time building stupid robots to compete with one another to see who was the best. Which was stupid of itself since Pearl was clearly superior in almost every single way. Strength, intelligence and agility. While Peridot was weak, stupid and clumsy. No wonder the others cheered after that stupid completion. They all saw that she was clearly better, even if peridot hadn't seen it at first.

Amethyst didn't like her. The worst part about that was she could have prevented it if she had just shut up. The started off so good until Peridot hade made her fell small. Really, Peridot. Call the one gem that you have might been able too for a relationship a defect. Genius. And even then, she could make it worse. Recently Amethyst came out to Peridot that she had a crush for Peridot and asked if Peridot wanted to be her girlfriend. Peridot declined because she had another crush (with was one of the most stupid crushes she could have). Amethyst said that it was alright and they could still be friends but Peridot knew better. She knew that Amethyst couldn't even stand the gem that broke her heart and made her fell small. Even if she pretended to still like having Peridot around her she knew it was a lie. Like everything else the gems made to make her feel like she belonged with them.

Lapis didn't like her. Peridot treated her like dirt when she was her prisoner, when in reality peridot was even worse than dirt. It was no wonder that Lapis didn't even acknowledge her in the beginning of their time as Crystal gems. Which slightly hurt since Peridot had developed a slight crush on her. But what chance did she an excuse for a gem have against her. Even if Lapis had said that she had forgiven her and wanted to be friends, Peridot knew it was false and that the beautiful gem wanted nothing more than to shatter her.

Steven didn't like her. He only need her information on the cluster so they could stop it and then he didn't have the heart to bubble her again. Peridot was not surprised, after all the trouble she had caused with her stupid attempts to try to negotiate a teamwork with yellow diamond. She couldn't see why someone would want to be friends with her. The only thing he could do was try to make Peridot understand how things on earth work so she couldn't bother him. I mean what else could Steven try to accomplish with all the things he tried to teach her. She wasn't smart enough learn any of that.

All in all, Peridot knew that nobody like her because she was stupid, clumsy, couldn't keep her mouth shut, weak, disgusting, time wasting and a useless gem. She had destroyed every friendship she had because she was so unbelieve dumb that she saw herself as important. And yet she come to peace with that. Sure it hurt but it was true. She was utterly useless and unlovebal.


	2. Chapter 2

Peridots depression

Chapter 2

 **A bit ooc but it is a au fanfiction so you can** **'** **t stop me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

The gems were starting to worry about Peridot.

She didn't smile so much anymore. She didn't laugh as much anymore. She had stopped watching Camp pining hearts and nature documentaries (which she was fascinated by, how could so many organic beings do so complex tasks). She didn't talk so much anymore. She just kept for herself, usually in her room, not doing so much. Just sitting there thinking or building something.

She just seamed sadder.

This made the gems worry about their friend.

Was something making her sad and in that case what was it?

They had to find out because Peridot was their friend and they liked her. And if something was hurting her they had to stop it.

"So, you all know why we are here." Said Garnet.

They had all, except Peridot (they told her they were going on a mission and needed her to guard the house in case something would happen. She didn't mind.) gone to the barn to discuss what was bothering Peridot.

"Something is clearly bothering Peridot and we need to find out what?".

"Did something happen. Something unusual? Because I haven't notice anything special for some time." said Pearl.

"Well, there had been some bad episodes on Camp pinging heart but usually she gets angry when that happens, not sad" said Steven siting on one of the old tires.

"Hey Amethyst, didn't you ask her to be your girlfriend recently but she said no? Maybe she feels guilty?" asked Steven.

Amethyst blushed. Why did she have to tell Steven that?

True, she had been a bit sad in the beginning but Peridot were still her goofy friend and nothing could change that .

"Yes, but that was a week ago, and she has been this done for weeks. Beside I told her that it was okay and we still would be friends. And it's not like I haven't tried. I mean I have made jokes and such but I don't know"

"Your right, Amethyst. I think you haven't change so much. It must be something else" said Pearl

"Maybe she just misses Homeworld." said Lapis solemnly." I mean I think earth is great now but sometimes I just miss it, you know? Maybe she feels the same way?"

"That would explain why she has stopped watch nature documentaries." Said Pearl. "And why she is by herself. I mean, maybe she thinks we don't miss Homeworld since we stood up against it all does years ago ".

"Do you?" asked Steven both curious and solemnly.

"Of course we do. It was our home for so long." said Garnet in a calm voice.

Steven looked down a little sad.

Garnet put her hand on his shoulder and he looked up into her visors.

"But that doesn't we like Earth any less. We would protect our new home with everything we got".

Steven smiled a little, as did the rest of the gems. But then Lapis frowned.

"But in that case why did she talk to me? I mean I went to Homeworld as fast as I could when Steven freed me from the mirror. She could talk to me." Said Lapis curious.

" Yes, but you got tortured by the Diamonds when you got back because they saw you as a threat and that's why you joined us.

Maybe that's why she didn't think you would understand how she feel." Said Garnet.

"Yeah, that's true". Said Lapis.

"Well, in that case I guess maybe we should talk to her and say that we to miss Homeworld and that she isn't alone." Said Pearl.

"I agree. Come one, let's go back home and do that." Said Garnet.


	3. Chapter 3

Peridots depression

 **Shit hits the fan. Review please! I DEMAND ATTENION!**

Chapter 3

Suddenly the warp pad lit up and the gems arrived.

"Hey, Peridot we need to …. Peridot?".

The gems looked but couldn't see Peridot anywhere in the room.

"Hey, Peridot, where are you?" asked Amethyst.

"I'm here" they heard Peridot behind the kitchen counter. " I am just…uhm… fixing some stuff!"

"Peridot, is everything alright" said Garnet stepping of the warp pad with the others

"Yes, everything is just tttttssssssssshhhhh!" Suddenly Peridots voice sounded like static.

"Peridot?" asked Pearl as she looked over the counter

Just as she saw her, Peridot ran from behind the counter to the door. As she reached the door she looked back

There was a loud gasp for everyone in the house

Peridot had taken of her visor and her gem was **covered** in scars, deep canyons that ran across her once shining gem

"Peri...Peri...Peridot" stuttered Garnet. Peridot tried to say something but all that came out sounded like static. She immediately ran out of the house

" PERIDOT WAIT" screamed the gems. But as they looked out of the house she was already gone. "What happen? Why was her gem covered in scars? Did something attack her? Is it still here?" Said Amethyst panicle

"How do I suppose to know? She clearly ran from us what does that mean?" Said Lapis even more panicle

Steven just ran around saying "what do we do? what do we do?"

"Oh no"

Everyone froze at that single sentence for Garnet. She was looking at something behind the kitchen counter

A Knife

Pearl slowly came behind her

"Garnet, you don't think Peridot would…." Said Pearl

"Pearl, there are still some shards on it" Said Garnet holding the blade

" **No** " said Pearl tear eyed

"What? What are you taking about? What has still some shards on it?" Said Lapis

"The knife". said Garnet

She rose and turned around

"Peridot did this to herself"

"WHAT" screamed everyone except Pearl who was silent

"WHY ON EARTH WOULD SHE DO THAT?" screamed Lapis

"I don't know but we need to find her before it's too late! Amethyst quick get some Walkie-talkies from your room" said Garnet

Amethyst speeded like a bullet right to her room

"We need to search for her.

Lapis, you search from the air.

Pearl, Steven. you take the Beach"

Amethyst came back with the walkie-talkies "When you find her take her back here and report to the others! Amethyst, you come with me"

As fast as the wind everyone was searching everywhere for Peridot.

Lapis looked from the sky as she flew over Beach city.

She had to find Peridot! She had to! She didn't want to lose Peridot.

She liked Peridot. She liked the way she got all excited to show the gems some new information she had learn of earth. How she would try her best to do a task she truly believed in. And she always tries to cheer someone up even when she didn't know how.

Lapis felt happy by that thought but she also felt guilty. When Peridot tried to be friends with her, Lapis completely ignored Peridot and said awful things about her when she talked to her.

When she later realised that Peridot had change, she apologised and said she wanted to be friends with her. But still she felt guilty.

She wouldn't want to be called what she called Peridot.

Suddenly she saw something. Peridot!


	4. update

**Hey, guys. I just wanted to inform you that sadly it will take some time before the next chapter is coming but don** **t worry it will come out. I also wanted your opinion some things I have been thinking about Steven universe, if that** **'** **s okay?**

 **First: Don** **'** **t you guys wish that we got an emotional episode about Peridot. And then I mean one like we got with Pearl in Rose scarab or with amethyst in the runaway. Like maybe she feels like in this fanfiction or something. Because it feels like Peridot is more being a joke character than a real character in the show and I personally don** **'** **t like it.**

 **Second: I have this awful theory that the only reason Pearl cares for Steven is because he has rose gem. And I don** **'** **t want it to be true but I can** **'** **t get it out of my head. What do you guys think?**

 **And don** **'** **t worry a new chapter will come out soon.**


	5. Chapter 4

**Peridots depression**

 **Chapeter 4**

 **I am so, so sorry that you had to wait two months for a new chapter. It just, somethings got in the way and I had a really hard time getting the things thought of on to paper. I AM SO SO SO SORRY!**

Lapis flew down Peridot.

She was laying in the grass unconscious. Lapis landed as gracesful like a leaf to next to her. She looked like she was sleeping but still she looked so, so troubled.

Lapis slowly, afraid that even touching her too hard would break her like glass, cradled Peridots head in her arms. She gasped when she saw her gem. It looked even worse up close.

"O peridot. please be okay. Please." she sobbed.

She didn't know why but for some reason she decided to kiss Peridots gem. She could feel small parts of her lips going in to the cracks of peridots broken gem. It just made her sob harder.

Why did it have to be peridot? Why couldn't it be her? She was the one who ignored peridot, insulted her and hurt her. Why?

Lapis felt something wet on her dress and looked expecting to find her dress stained by a tear.

But it wasn't a tear.

It was some kind of lime green droplet. And it was coming from Peridot! Peridots body was melting, like a popsicle in the sun, right before her eyes!

Lapis froze in shock. Her body must be breaking up because of her cracked gem.

What was she going to do? what was she going to do? what would Garnet do?

Garnet! what did Garnet say she would do when she found peridot?

she would…. she would call her that was what she was going to do!

Lapis grabbed the radio in a death grip. "Garnet! Garnet! Garnet! Please answer!"

"Lapis, this is Garnet. what's wrong?"

"I found Peridot and… oh my stars her gem is so cracked… and she's melting and.. and."

"LAPIS" shouted Garnet over the radio.

That immediately made Lapis shut up.

"Breath" said garnet in a calm tone, over the radio.

Lapis took a deep breath that calm her down.

"Okay now listen closely. Grab Peridot and fly over to the beach house. We will wait for you there. Okay?" "Okay." Lapis grabbed Peridot and began flying her towards the beach house.

As she flew she could feel bits of Peridot chunking away from her body and how peridots body was staining her dress.

She really wished Amethyst hadn't convinced her to eat earlier, because she felt everything coming back up again.

Finally, she landed before a shocked Crystal Gems.

"Lapis. Put her on the floor" said Garnet.

Lapis carefully put Peridot down. Immediately Steven licked his hand and brought it to Peridots gem and?

Nothing happened.

"Are we too late?" asked Pearl

Then suddenly a great light emulated, first from Peridots gem, and later her body. It shined with such ferocity that even Garnet (with her sunglasses) had to cover her eyes. Then the light faded and Peridot landed on the floor, looking completely fine.

The cracks on her gem were gone and Her body was solid again.

A grunt was herd from her mouth and she started to wake up.

Garnet stepped forth.

"Peridot are you okay?"

Peridot lifted her head and stat up on the floor. "Yeah I think so" she said.

A unanimous sigh of relief was given by everyone in the house

Steven ran forward and hugged Peridot. "I am so glad you are okay Peridot." He said. Peridot looked surprised as if she hadn't expected to be shown gratitude for what just happened.

But just as she decided to return the hug, Steven was ripped from her and an angry Lapis stood before her.

"What were you thinking?" she shouted. "You could have become corrupted or died. Why would you do that? Don't you know what you mean to us? Don't you know what you mean to me. Didn't you think.."

"LAPIS" shouted Garnet, "THAT IS ENOUGH"

Lapis stopped, shocked at Garnet and then shocked by herself. "Im…Im sorry Peridot, Steven" she said and picked up Steven. He mouthed "it's okay" with a knowing and sympathetic look.

"I didn't mean to get so angry. I just.. We were so worried that we would loss you."

Suddenly it looked like something dawned on Peridots face and she looked very, very sad.

"Isn't that what you wanted?" she mumbled.

"WHAT" shouted everyone.

"You don't have to lie to me anymore. I know the truth." Said Peridot. "You all hate me. You think I'm worthless, stupid, weak, unlovable and should be shattered."

Pearl was tried to step in but Garnet stopped her with a knowing look. This might be the only chance to see what is wrong with her.

" And I really can't blame you because its true. Everything. I am just so pathetic excuse for a gem. I am not worth anything. Not important or meaningful in any way. I know that. And I tried to live with that. Accepting that I'm just some ugly mistake that somehow thought she was even worthy to think herself as important.

But I couldn't. It hurt. It hurt so much. So, I decided that it was best for everyone if I just died." Tears started to form in Peridots eyes.

"But I was afraid. I know its coward less but I couldn't do. Every time I tried I was too scared and weak to do it. So, I decided that if I couldn't do it quickly maybe I could do it slow. Step by step. So, I tried to cut my gems thill it cracked but that's when you came in."

Everything seemed to have frozen in shock to what peridot said. Lapis, close to tears, stepped forth. "Peridot, nothing of that is true. Please we love.." "THAT IS EXACTLY THE TRUTH!" screamed Peridot.

"I HAVE ALREADY TOLD YOU, YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIE TO ME!"

She pointed a finger at Garnet. "YOU HATE ME BECAUSE THE FIRST TIME WE MEET AS ¨FRIENDS¨ I ASKED YOU TO UNFUSE THE LOVES OF YOUR LIFES BECAUSE I WAS SO PATHETICLY SCARED OF YOU."

Peridot then pointed at Pearl. "YOU HATE ME BECAUSE I TREATED YOU LIKE YOU WERE INFERIUR TO ME WHEN IT'S INFACT THE OPPOSITE!"

she points at Amethyst. "YOU HATE ME BECAUSE I CALLED YOU A DEFECT AND BROKE YOUR HEART"

She points at Steven "YOU JUST DIDN'T HAVE THE HEART TO BUBBLE ME, EVEN THOUGH YOU TO HATE ME."

And finally, she points at Lapis "AND YOU HATE ME BECAUSE WHEN I HAD YOU AS A PRISONER I TREATED YOU LIKE DIRT.

YOU ALL HATE ME AND I DESERV IT. I AM STUPID, CLUMSY, CAN'T KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT, WEAK, DISCUSTING, TIMEWASTING AND UTTERLY USELESS GEM. YOU SHOULD HAVE LETEN ME BE SHATTERD!"

After the rant, everything seemed to become deadly silent and the only and the only thing heard was Peridots gasping for air.

 **Please leave a comment and visit my Tumblr page blog/themanofmanyskills1**


	6. Chapter 5

Peridots depression

Chapter 5

How could she not have seen it?

How could she not have seen this?

How could she not have seen how Peridot would hurt herself? How she would be her, crying silently in front of them all. How could she not have seen? Sure, Garnet didn't believe all the things her future vison shown, would happen. But she still would have checked it out. She was supposed to protect them, even from themselves.

Yet here right before them lie a silently crying Peridot. Not in physical but mentally pain. The latter arguably worse than the first. And she couldn't see it until now. A dark thought entered in to her mind. What else beyond Peridot could she have missed. Garnet felt like she was being ripped apart from the inside, literally. She shook her head. NO! This was not a time to break, this was not a time to falter. This was a time off action. The others need her to be strong. She need her to be strong. And most importantly, Peridot need her.

She kneeled to Peridots height. "Peridot, none of what you have said is true."

"I-I-I t-t-to-old you, you don't have to lie." Snivelled Peridot.

"I am telling you the truth, Peridot." Said Garnet in a calm and almost motherly tone. "All those things you have just said, their completely false. You're not stupid, clumsy, weak, disgusting, timewasting, useless or anything else you may think of yourself. You're smart, precise, strong, beautiful, hard-working and more useful than you can imagine. We don't hate you. We could never hate you. We love you. You're our friend. Our teammate. Our Crystal Gem."

Peridot, who had been looking down on the floor the entire time, looked up into Garnets eyes. And what Garnet saw was pure pain and sadness. She had seen this before. Many times. Too many times. But she also saw something which she also had seen as much. Hope. Hidden among all that sadness, despair and darkness, it was there. Small but still there.

"B-bbut all those things I did to you all." Sniffled Peridot. "Every time I hurt you, made you feel inferior, angry, sad. You can't forgive me for them."

"Yes, we can" said Pearl. She had also kneeled to Peridot. And she looked at her with sincere but loving eyes. The kind that would never lie. They all did. Steven, Amethyst and Lapis. "We can, and we have forgiven you Peridot. For everything. Sure, we were hurt and sadden but that doesn´t mean we can't forgive. We all make mistakes. We all at some point hurt those close too us but that doesn't mean we can't be forgiven. It doesn't make those things we did right, but it shows that we can and will change."

She laid her hand on her chest. "It hurt me when you treated me like a servant but too be honest on Homeworld Pearls are servants, slaves even. You couldn't have known that it was not the same on Earth and when you did, you tried to treat me like your equal."

Amethyst put her hand on her chest. "It hurt me when you said I was a defect, but you didn't mean to insult me or make me feel small. You were being honest with me. And when you realised you did hurt me you tried make up for your mistake. And that's makes me feel happy and big. And yes, it did hurt me when you said you didn't want to be my girlfriend but that's how you feel, and I can't change that. And it doesn't mean you can get rid of me that easily, you dork." Peridot gave a little snark at that.

Garnet laid her hand on her chest. "It hurt me when you wanted me to unfuse but I fully understand. On Homeworld fusion between different gems is viewed as an abomination to the very nature of gems and fusion. Of course, you would be uncomfortable. But when you realised the truth you didn't ask me to unfuse again and more importantly you became my friend. And sometimes action speaks larger than words."

Steven laid his hand on his chest. "It hurt me when I thought you had betrayed us for Yellow Diamond because you're a really good friend. You try really hard to understand and even when you misinterpret stuff, it doesn't make me annoyed or anything. I like teaching you about Earth and I love that you want to know so much about it. You even tried to make Yellow Diamond understand and when she didn't you stood up against her. You want to protect our home. That's makes you a Crystal Gem and my friend".

Lapis laid her hand on her chest. "It hurt me how you treated me when I was your prisoner. You treated me like I was worst thing in existence. Yelling at me, calling me names and handling me like trash. But from what the Diamonds told you about me, you couldn't have thought anything else. And when you learned that the Diamonds weren't always right, you tried to make up with me. But then I was the one who yelled at you, called you names and handled you like trash. And yet you still tried to be my friend. It was then I realised that you hade changed and let go off all the hate towards you. And then I saw you for what you truly are. A compassionate friend who always try to cheer one up when one feels sad."

Garnet smiled. "You see, Peridot. We have forgiven you. Even after all the times you have hurt us, we still forgive you. Your still our friend. You heal us, makes us feel strong, important, happy and loved. That's what friends do. That's what you do."

Peridot looked at them. Full of astonishment and hope. "You mean it? Y-You really mean it?"

Garnet nodded. "We do."

Then Peridot cried.

And then Peridot laughed.

And the she hugged them.

And they hugged Peridot.

Peridot still had doubts and fears. That they lied and secretly hated her. They were always there. But now Peridot didn't believe them. They no longer controlled her or made her insolate herself or her friends. Because now she knew the truth. The truth that no matter what they said could never change. Her friends loved her and had forgiven her. Peridot was loved.


End file.
